


Hear Me Out

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Confrontations, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 08:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20542838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex has a list of things to say.





	Hear Me Out

**Author's Note:**

> anyways i have wifi again, blessed be

Two months into sleeping alone every night, Michael was woken up to persistent knocking on his door.

His phone said it wasn't even 8 AM, so he figured whoever it was must've had a serious reason to be there. He managed to drag himself up and to the door, rubbing his eye all the while only to be extremely confused by the person there.

"Alex?"

"I'm talking, you're listening," the Airman insisted, pushing into the airstream with a notebook in hand. He still had serious bedhead and was in his pjs, but his face was hardened and ready to combat whatever enemy he'd decided was there.

"Huh?" Michael asked, turning with confusion on his face.

"Shut up and listen," Alex dictated. Michael raised his hands in tired defeat, falling back to his bed. "I realized almost all of our fuck ups trail back to you not waiting for me to come up with an answer or you completely misunderstanding something I say because I try to make you understand, but I fail. So I'm going through all the points I could remember and we're going to fix this shit. You can talk when I'm done."

He was so determined and who was Michael to say no? Not that he even _wanted_ to.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Shush."

Michael stifled a laugh, smiling up towards Alex as he opened his little notebook. He took a deep breath in preparation.

"When we were 11 and you had been in Roswell for, like, two weeks, you asked if I wanted to be your partner for a social studies project and I hesitated to look at Kyle to see if he wanted to be my partner, but you took that as a complete rejection and you walked away before I could even answer. I had to be partners with Carla St. Pierre who had a big crush on me and didn't take no as an answer, so I ignored you for two years."

"Oh, we're going _that_ far back?"

"_Michael_."

"Sorry."

Alex huffed an adorably annoyed breath, shaking off the distraction. He honestly looked adorable in general. If he wasn't so deadset, Michael might've asked him to cuddle until he was more awake.

"In 10th grade, I asked if you wanted me to wash your gym clothes for you and you thought I was insulting you, but I was just offering to clean them without further questions.

"Before my first tour, you asked if I wanted to go get Taco Bell late one night and I took too long to respond, so you thought I meant no, when really I just was unsure if we'd be able to go without someone seeing us and I was worried for your safety, but you took the offer back before I could say that.

"_After_ my first tour when we _did_ go to Taco Bell at midnight together, you ordered for me because I took too long to decide and while it was really good food, I would've liked to make my own decision which is why you didn't get laid that night."

And it went on and on and on and Michael was beginning to feel like they were horrible for each other. How did he manage to mess things up between them that often in the time they'd known each other? It was insane. Alex had shown up with a promise to work it out, but how could they work out a problem that started from their very first conversation?

This was clearly the end of all ending. A giant message of every goddamn time he'd hurt him before never getting to touch him or his soft pjs ever again.

"And, most importantly, when I came to you and said I wanted to be friends, I meant that I wanted to get to know you, to start over away from all the pain and to make sure all this love I have for you makes sense and it isn't just some nostalgic teenage dream. I wanted to be friends and then together because friends make the best relationships. You thought I meant just friends. Why in god's name would I ever want to be just friends with you? Do you know how hard it is to just be in your space without smothering you with my face? I need all of you or I can't have any of you at all, that's how it has to be," Alex said, taking a heavy breath as he finished his 30 minute, thought out list.

Michael’s eyes were trained on the floor before him, his eyebrows tugged together in something akin to anger. Alex literally just came and busted into his house before eight in the morning to throw every single mistake he’d ever made into his face? He couldn’t have waited until he was a little less sober? He didn’t realize how quickly he could go from being excited about their future to completely empty. It hurt more than he could even put into words.

“Okay,” Alex said softly, kicking Michael’s shin, “Talk.”

Michael sniffled and tried to school his face a bit before he looked up at Alex. The moment he took in how cute he looked all over again, his bottom lip started quivering. He shrugged.

“So, what, tearing me apart at the Pony two months ago wasn’t enough?” Michael asked, watching Alex’s face become overwhelmed with confusion, “You had to come here and give me a written list of all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together? And to say it like it was going to be something positive... Fuck, you must really hate me.” 

Alex stood there for a moment, opening and closing his mouth over and over. Michael thought about saying something else, but he had just listened to thirty minutes of all the times he hadn’t given Alex enough time to find his words, so he wasn’t about to make that same mistake again. They sat in silence for a while.

“Guerin... Guerin, what the fuck?” Alex asked, shaking his head as he threw the notebook down, “What is wrong with you? I-I just, I literally just came in here and told you I wanted to work it out with you! I literally just said you misunderstand me and you immediately misunderstood that! I wrote it down specifically so you _wouldn’t _understand me! What do you want from me?! I’m trying here! Fucking meet me halfway!” 

Michael rubbed his hands over his face as he tried to mesh together what he was hearing and what Alex had just spent 30 minutes saying. How could listing all the ways they were wrong mean that he thought they were right?

“Alex... Even if you meant that, you just pointed out that I have been making you miserable from the first time we spoke. I have been fucking you over for nearly two decades. How could you want to be with me when you know that?” Michael said. He couldn’t hide the defeat in his voice. All he wanted was Alex, but it was clear that they were bad for each other.

“Oh my god,” Alex said, looking up to the roof with glistening eyes that made Michael have even more regrets. He was _still _hurting him. “What don’t you get, Guerin? What can I say to make you _get _it? Yeah, maybe we struggle to communicate and we should work on that, but you don’t make me miserable. For the last ten or so years, you’ve made me happier than anything else. When I get over myself and ignore everyone except for you, I am _happy. _You make me feel free and loved and safe and everything I have been denied my entire life. You are my everything and I want so badly to love you and be with you every goddamn minute of the day, but you won’t let me! You won’t accept it! I’m putting myself on the line for you and you’re fucking rejecting me! I don’t understand how a man who is so unbelievably intelligent could be so fucking stupid! Why can’t you just let me love you?!” 

“Alex...” Michael groaned, feeling even more pain than before. This was too much.

“No! I’m still fucking talking!” Alex snapped, moving in closer. He jabbed a finger into Michael’s chest, glaring with all the feelings that he’d been forcing himself to bury for however many years. “I don’t give a shit if we shouldn’t work, I love you and I want you and I know you love me and I know you want this to work. I know you do.”

“Of course I do,” Michael admitted easily. Because it was easy. While his relationship with Alex had never been so easy, admitting he wanted Alex was never difficult. “But-”

“No. No buts. All we need is for both of us to put in the effort, that’s it,” Alex whispered, moving forward to place his forehead on Michael’s. Michael pulled him in closer, urging him to sit on his lap no matter how awkward the position might’ve been in the small space. He wanted him closer. “I spent all night filling up half a notebook on just you. You can’t reject me after that, that’s just mean.”

“I’m not rejecting you,” Michael said, a soft smile finding his lips. Even if he was just being yelled at, having Alex this close was enough to make him relax. “I thought you were rejecting me.”

“You need therapy, Guerin,” Alex grumbled, slowly slumping to tuck his head into the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael snorted a laugh, wrapping his arms around him in a warm hug.

“You do too.”

“We can go together,” Alex suggested, “Couples therapy would be super helpful.”

Michael thought about it for a moment, letting his hands slide over the soft fabric that covered Alex’s thighs. The main thing keeping him from doing therapy (aside from the cost, of course) had been the alien ordeal. They would have to discuss how they could avoid talking about that. But... if Alex was that desperate to make them work, then Michael was too.

“Okay. Let’s do that. If it means getting you, then... Shit, I’ll do anything,” Michael admitted, his voice soft. Alex nodded and gave him a squeeze that had him smiling even wider.

Eventually, he let Alex go, but only long enough for him to take off the prosthetic so they could crawl into bed. Alex cuddled up close, not like he had much of a choice with the airstream’s bed, and was out like a light. Apparently staying up all night pouring out your feelings was very draining.

Michael was able to go back to sleep too, finally ending his two months streak of a cold bed.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
